From The Archives: My Grandmother Stole My Dildo
What a sick and twisted world we live in today. You can’t walk alone down a dark alley at night, you can’t lurk in people’s bushes and look in their homes, and you can’t put your dildo in storage in your grandmother’s basement.
After receiving a dildo as a gag-gift, and having my mother find it in the trunk of my car (which is another story altogether), I placed the 12″ classic dong in a box to be forgotten about until needed at a future event. Upon returning to the box several years later, to my shock, the dildo was missing. I spent 45 minutes that summer afternoon searching through every box in my grandmother’s basement, only to come to the conclusion that my dildo was gone. But where could it have disappeared to? No one else knew that I had hid this flaccid object at my grandmother’s house, and besides, no one ever went into my grandma’s basement. They had no purpose there. After much deliberation about where it could have gone I came to the frightening conclusion, that yes, my grandmother stole my dildo.