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If You Could Read My Mind

What a tale my thoughts could tell.

You wake up. You’re in my mind. It’s 1971, early 1971. It feels like January.  You look about; you are outside of what appears to be a castle.  Glancing to your right, you notice an old well.  It intrigues you.  Its made of brick and has one of those wooden buckets tied to the top.  Suddenly, goose flesh covers your body… you notice a ghost hovering above the well.

You are now inside the castle.  You hear what you believe to be an old-time movie playing in one of the rooms.  You can’t quite make it out, but it seems old-timey.  You are now in shackles in a dark room within the depths of the castle.  The shackles are fastened to your ankles; they have cut into your flesh from struggling to escape.

You have now transformed into the ghost you saw earlier, the one by the well.  As the ghost, you see an old man reading a paperback book. You catch a glimpse of the cover; you figure it to be a mystery novel.  You don’t believe it to be a sappy novel because, hey, this old man looks too cool for sap.  You start to think, “Maybe this guy does like sap, I mean he could be Canadian.  Maybe he’ll make some syrup.”

Oh shit, you’re now acting in a movie.  You are one of three actors performing a script.  You aren’t ready for this scene.  Fuck!  You just got burned by one of the other actors… you walk away in disgust. Looking down at the script, you read “Enter number two”.

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A Cruet A Day Keeps The Priest Away

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The Robots Are Coming, Like It Or Not

Whether you like it or not, the robots are coming. Maybe at first they will be novelties for the rich and famous. Then after a few years, the lower class will get a taste of robot living. There will be magazines and websites on how to care for your robot, or how to keep your robot happy. We will see titles like Robot Living, Martha Robot, Popular Robot, and my favorite Ro-Robot. You know that guy that made millions from the “for dummies” books, he will spin-off a new genre of “for robots” books. Marketers and advertisers will use the robots to influence our spending. My maid robot will tell me “I need Kraft Processed Cheese Product to make dinner tonight; you will be eating like the king”.

We will get gansta-rap songs about “bling-bots” and country songs about “Chevy-robots”. Don’t forget the soft-rock hits about “robot-love” and the “robot-that-got-away”. There will be social events where people show off their robots and competitions where robots compete in spelling bees and arm-wrestling.

Robots will do our laundry, cook our food, spay and neuter our pets. They will become our personal servants. The world will be a wonderful place of lazy people being fed by robots in bikinis. Then in the year 2020, humans will be forced by the robots to live in a giant pit carved into the earth. We will spend eternity there.

Hurrah, the advent of robots!

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Remembering The Bagakimus

The original announcement of the Bagakimus – December 16, 2005:

“This year has been marked the year of the bagakimus.  On December 28th celebration will begin to officially declare the bagakimus.  To honor this event, at the turning of the year, we shall enjoy ourselves for one last day.  This day of personal enjoyment and enlightenment will allow us to clear our heads for a new year and reflect.  Let us begin ripe for a new.”

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I’m plugged up like a Russian Sheep Horse

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My First Michael McDonald Experience

Yes Tammy, there is a Michael McDonald.  From the throaty notes of that husky voice, to the breathtaking baby blue’s, there is a Michael McDonald.  Once you’ve seen that wispy white beard open to reveal the heart-warming soul that lies within, you are a changed person.

For me it was my 9th birthday.  I was frolicking, like all the cool 9 year old’s were doing at the time, when I came upon a local grocery store.  It was a typical summer afternoon, hot as all get out.  In search of the illusive gumball machine, I wandered in.  This time… this time it wasn’t just a gumball machine that I found, it was the sweet, sweet vocals of one Michael McDonald.  Though it wasn’t until many years later that I came to realize what had been bestowed upon me that day.  Ain’t no gumball sweet enough.